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| Editor’s Note |
Welcome to another issue of the SCAnner. This is a
very special issue of the SCAnner. It is the 10th Anniversary Issue,
indeed the beginning of the 11th Year. The SCAnner began as a humble
Intergroup newsletter for South California Intergroup but after the first
issue was circulated at what became the very first ISO Conference at the
end of February 1990, it immediately became the National Newsletter of
SCA. And it’s been non stop ever since. Congratulations and thank you to
everyone who has been involved in the production of the SCAnner in the
past ten years. Thank you most of all to all the contributors who have
made the SCAnner the rich and rewarding SCA tool it is today!!
To celebrate the beginning of this very important tool of the SCA Program,
this issue of the SCAnner, focuses exclusively on the Beginnings of SCA
around the country and indeed around the world, making this truly the
first International Edition of the SCAnner. I was able to reach many of
the Founding Members of our Fellowship and spoke to them personally or
communicated with them through one of the many means available to us now
in the Information Age. Their stories about the founding of SCA in their
city are presented here, for the first time. To set the whole thing in
perspective we begin with Bill L’s, Frank H’s and H B’s Story, then that
is followed by recollections and reminiscences by Saul M, (NY), Marshall L
(LA), Gary (S Orange County), Jimmy S (Montreal), Tom M (Chicago), George
M (San Diego), Raymond K (Milwaukee), Jim M (St Louis), Bill E
(Washington), Steve W (Phoenix), Miguel C (LA Spanish), John F (NY
On-line), Paul C (Belgium), Brian B (SF), George U(Budapest), and Tra D
(e-group NY).
Also included in this issue is a history of the SCAnner put forward by the
thus far three editors of the SCAnner, Richard K, Joe F & David A-S. Frank
T the current Chair of ISO shares his story with us in My Story. The whole
issue is rounded off with an interview I did with Bill L and Frank H the
founding members of SCA NY.
This was one of the most challenging and ambitious editions of the SCAnner
I have yet put together. I hope that all the extra effort and heartache
was worth it. It was certainly a worthwhile experience for me, and I am
grateful to have spoke with so many of our Founding Members. Thank you to
all of you. I hope you will enjoy this very special issue of the SCAnner.
You can also find the SCAnner on the Web at:
http://www.sca-recovery.org/scanner
Yours in Recovery,
David A-S Editor
| The Beginnings of SCA New York |
The Beginning of SCA have been documented before in the SCAnner, in the SCA Blue Book and on the SCA Website. For the sake of integrity I have decided to re-print Bill L’s, Frank H’s story here so that it can act as an official starting point for all the other beginnings of SCA across the country and around the world presented here after. Ed.
| Bill L's Story |
Looking back to September of 1977 when I went to my
first AA meeting, little did I know that I was putting down one drug just
to pick up another: compulsive sex. Actually most of my adult life from
the age of nineteen had been devoted to the pursuit of sex, searching for
sex, having sex, feeling ashamed afterwards but starting the whole cycle
over and over again. I would also romanticize these events in the hope
that one of them would develop into a relationship. Of course it never
did. However, the pain, despair and shame did lead me to start to search
for help. As soon as I started to go to AA meetings I stopped drinking and
I remember how frightened I felt. 'Who are these people, can I trust
them?' I thought. I found some sort of escape and solace in the darkness
of the bathhouses. It makes me sad now to think that the darkness was what
I felt I deserved. In all honesty I have to admit at first it was a way of
discovering my sexuality and a big boost to my ego to discover that so
many other men were interested in me. That didn't last long and soon I
started to live with a lot of despair. Talking about this area of my life
in AA was uncomfortable even though I did it anyway. I even remember
talking to Frank H about what was going on. Little did I know that a few
years later Frank H would reappear in my life, in such a profound way.
During this time I started a number of things. It seemed that even though
I talked about my acting out to my sponsor and just about anyone else who
would listen, I just couldn't stop acting out. I felt so out of control.
Sometime during 1977, I started going to consciousness- raising groups. No
one had heard about AIDS and the sexual revolution was in full bloom. For
the next two years I was in three of these groups and they did help. I was
able to start to feel better about myself and to accept myself as a gay
male. Two other things happened at this time that I did not then realize
how significant they would be in my recovery. I started to use my
creativity again and stopped using amyl nitrate. Getting completely sober
and honest with myself really woke me up. At that time I stopped bringing
strangers home and/or going to their apartment. At first I managed to stop
this behavior only for several weeks but then the periods grew longer.
This was a difficult time because I was trying to control the disease.
In 1981, I went to my first DA meeting. Even though I thought I was making
progress, I continued to act out and even started to go back to bathhouses
on a regular basis. I remember one incident very vividly. I was lying on a
bed in one of the little rooms and as I glanced at my outstretched arm I
realized that there was no difference between me and a heroin addict
waiting for his next hit. I closed the door, got down on my knees, and
prayed for help. I certainly didn't have much hope, but the next evening I
went to a DA meeting. I shared about my frustration, despair and
helplessness about my not being able to stop acting out sexually. A few
months earlier I had brought the idea of starting a program of self help
for sex addicts to my therapist. He told me that a program for sexual
sobriety would never work because everyone needs sex. Fortunately, I
stopped seeing him a week later.
John the founder of DA approached me after I had shared and just held me.
He shared with me that it sounded to him like I was in a place like the
one he was in when he started DA. My first thought was how could I start a
program? But when Collin, Jim J, Thomas T, Nochem, and a few others said
that they would support me. I did just that.
On a Sunday evening in 1981, the first meeting focusing on acting out
sexually met in my apartment. I felt so scared and also so excited. What
would this actually be about? Who would come? For the next few months the
group met every Sunday at my apartment. In the beginning the people were
mainly from DA: Collin, Saul M, Jim S, Thomas T and a few others,
including women. We didn't have any structure and certainly we had no
literature. At that time I had not read anything about sexual addiction.
After a few months I received a letter from someone who had been in one of
those consciousness-raising groups I had attended a few years earlier. He
enclosed the names of three programs: SLAA in Boston, SA in Simi Valley,
and another whose name I can't remember now. I wrote to all three and
received information from SLAA and SA and presented the information to the
group at the next meeting.
I was beginning to get some recovery and didn't act out nearly as much.
Also I was beginning to have hope again. We liked what we read in the SA
literature, even though we didn't like the tone of what was said about
homosexuality. Some of the other people in the group felt the same. When
the founder of SA, Roy K, met with us, we brought this to his attention
and he said "No problem" and that it could be taken care of. We took a
vote and became SA New York. I felt so good. I felt I was walking on air
for I had hope again.
We continued to meet and in a few months new literature arrived. It
directly put down homosexuality and personally I felt I had been betrayed.
The more I learnt about the principles and the underlying beliefs of SA,
the more I began to feel that SA came from a place of feeling guilt about
one's sexuality. With all the work I had done on myself I was determined
not to feel guilty about having sex. SA was based on the idea that you
couldn't have sex unless you were in a committed relationship. It was
based in the fundamentalist religion I had been taught as a child. I
decided that this was not for me and that it would not be being true to
myself. I said that I couldn't be part of SA and suggested that the
meeting find another meeting place. They found a place at St Jean's on
Lexington Avenue. The meetings had at this point been taking place in my
pottery-filled apartment for six months. With no meetings to attend,
needless to say, in a short time I was back to my old acting out
behavior.
When the phone rang in May of 1982 I was surprised to hear Tom L at the
other end. Even though I knew him from AA he had never called me before.
He told me that he was interested in attending one of the meetings he
heard were meeting in my apartment. I explained all that had happened and
added that I was desperate for a meeting myself. I arranged to meet Tom at
an SA meeting. Somehow I had got the information wrong and when Tom and I
arrived we found no SA meeting. I must say that I was relieved and at the
same time felt that I needed a meeting. It was such a beautiful spring day
that Tom L. and I decided to walk to Central Park and there talked for a
few hours. I felt so uplifted. Later Tom L. came back to my apartment and
I gave him the SA literature that I had. We decided that we would try to
find a meeting place, since I wasn't comfortable using my apartment at
that time.
A few weeks passed and on the morning after one of my binges I got down on
my knees and prayed to God for help. That afternoon I was walking up
Seventh Avenue and I heard a voice call to me from across the street. It
was Tom L. I was overjoyed to see him and embraced him. He told me that
Richard from AA was allowing a sexual recovery meeting to take place in
his apartment. It had just started and the second meeting would take place
next Monday. He asked me if I would speak. Would I ever!
I couldn't wait for Monday evening to arrive. Little did I know that I
would see Frank H there. I remembered our talks a few years before in AA.
It made me feel good inside. Saul was there and a few other people from
OA. We met in Richard's apartment for six months before we started to meet
in other people's apartments. We used the SA literature with parts I
didn't like crossed out. I put everything I had, all my energies, into not
acting out. While some of my behavior seemed to have stopped, I just
couldn't seem to stop going to bathhouses. With just one meeting a week I
started to call people up on the phone for help and support.
There were times when I felt I would die if I didn't have sex. What really
helped was being able to go to my studio and work with clay. It was a very
painful time for me, but having my creativity was a spiritual and healing
outlet. A few of us kept showing up week after week to meetings. We began
to get stronger. I don't know if at the time any one of us knew what was
going on. In time we became Sexual Compulsives Anonymous. Frank H found a
meeting place at Washington Square Community Church. It was a wonderful
learning time for me. For the first time I started to try different
approaches to deal with my sexual compulsion. I stopped cruising on the
streets and soaking in those seductive images. I tried dating without the
goal of ending up in bed. SCA helped me to stop viewing people (as well as
myself) as sexual objects. I started to be not so seductive. My
friendships with people changed for the better.
SA asked us not to use its name on our literature. Soon afterwards the
first SCA Literature Committee was formed. The Literature Committee
meetings were very unstructured, but we continued to meet. Richard, Bruce,
Saul, Nochem, Bob M and I (I hope I haven't left anyone out) started
writing out the Characteristics. Bob took notes on our discussions and
formalized the first piece of SCA literature: The Characteristics. Even
after sixteen years, when I read them I am still amazed at how true they
are. I now know that God was guiding us during these Literature Committee
meetings, as well as in starting Sexual Compulsives Anonymous.
| Frank H's Story |
After I'd been sober in Alcoholics Anonymous for a
few years I began to be able to see the addictive nature of my sexual
activity. I wanted to stop but I couldn't. I tried all combinations of
sexual activities in the hope that one or another combination would
"work," and that I'd be freed of the compulsion.
I talked to a couple of other AA members who shared my problem. One of
these friends was Tom. We shared with one another our successes and
failures. Once Tom suggested that I pray while going to and being in
acting out places. This seemed to help me to accept myself as someone who
couldn't stop running from one sexual episode to another. There was a part
of myself that was good and virginal and another part that felt like a
turd. Praying helped to let these two parts of myself come together a
little bit.
About a year before the first meeting of our program, I had a sort of
spiritual awakening in a bathhouse in Amsterdam. I wasn't getting what I
wanted in the orgy room. But instead of going on to look for sex
elsewhere, I was able, somehow, to go back to my hotel.
On returning to New York, with the support of Tom, AA and my therapist, I
was able to stay on what we now call a sexual recovery plan. At this point
I thought it would be great if we could have Twelve Step meetings to
support recovery from the craving for sex. I tried to find a meeting place
in churches, a meeting house and other institutions, but had no success. I
finally became discouraged and stopped looking. In June 1982, my friend
Tom called to say that Richard, another AA friend of ours, was interested
in a sexual recovery meeting and that he was willing to donate his
apartment for the meeting, at least for a start. On June 22, we had our
first meeting. Tom, who was scheduled to speak, didn't appear at first. So
I became the first speaker. I don't remember what I said, but I suppose I
must have talked about my long history of going to tea-rooms, bathhouses,
trucks and other acting out places. Then I must have said a little about
my year of uncertain and shaky sobriety. Tom showed up somewhere during
the qualification. There couldn't have been more than four or five people
present at the meeting.
At the third or fourth meeting, Bill L. spoke. We'd known Bill since he
first came into AA. I think it was at this meeting that I learned that
Bill had started the first Sexaholics Anonymous group in New York, based
on the principles established by Roy, the founder of SA on the West Coast.
After meeting at Bill's apartment for several months, the group had moved
to St. Jean's Church. Bill felt the SA literature was overtly anti-gay and
decided he didn't want to participate anymore.
At that time, we also called ourselves Sexaholics Anonymous, not because
we considered ourselves a part of that program, but simply from lack of
imagination. We had already clearly differentiated ourselves from SA in
our determination that each member would define his own recovery plan for
himself. It was my feeling that each person came to the program with
something that they wanted to change about their sexual behavior and that
they would start their sexual recovery plan with that. In addition, the
membership for at least the first six to eight months was exclusively gay
men. The literature we had from the original SA seemed very homophobic to
us. We were out to create a program that would support the self-esteem of
gay people, not put it into question. Almost from the beginning we had
members from Al-Anon and from OA. Some of the early members included
George, Saul and Bob McC. Not too long thereafter, Bob R., Robert N.,
Nochem and Barbara McC began to appear. Most of these members are still
with us, though some no longer attend meetings.
In the fall of '82, there was to be an eclipse of the moon. A friend told
me I shouldn't watch it on my roof because it would be too dangerous. I
concluded that I would have to watch from the park where I'd acted out
most consistently before I got sexually sober. The night of the eclipse
was the beginning of a two-month slip for me. I just couldn't stop. I
visited temples in Bangkok and prayed for sobriety; for the lifting of the
compulsion. Then I went, powerless, directly to the octagonal tea-room
right outside the temple.
When I returned to meetings in New York (still only one a week at that
time), I feared they'd throw me out. Here I was, a founding member back
"out there" again. But no. They said keep coming back. They understood. It
still makes my eyes teary to remember that I was wanted; I belonged. With
great difficulty, I got sober again. It was like swimming against the
current, but the fellowship sustained me.
About this time, we started talking about getting a meeting place in a
public space. We had stopped meeting in Richard's and the meeting moved
from place to place, making it difficult for new members to find us. We
met for a while at Bill L.'s, and for a while at the Gay Jewish Synagogue.
I finally agreed to look for a space again. Bob O'C. suggested that
another program met at the Washington Square Community Church in Greenwich
Village, and that they might me willing to give us space. I called. I
talked as best I could about who we were and what we were trying to do.
None of us had a lot of sobriety at this point and I found it hard to talk
about sexual compulsion. It felt very much like I, a sex maniac, was
asking for a place in the church. I didn't see how I, or we, could be
accepted. But we got the place and began to meet in a long, narrow room
looking out onto West 3rd Street. I still feel so grateful to that church
where we still meet on Monday nights.
It was also at the Washington Square Community Church that our first
literature committee was formed, and put together the Characteristics
which have become such a keynote for us.
We were approached by SA in California and asked to change our name, since
we were infringing on their copyright by calling ourselves SA and being a
different program. We had a long business meeting at which I maintained
that I wanted to continue to call myself a sexaholic and to have the group
called Sexaholics Anonymous. I liked the name and felt defiant. But group
conscience ruled after much debate that we would be called Sexual
Compulsives Anonymous.
The next landmark was when Paul F. decided that he was going to start
another meeting. The new meeting was to be for gay men only with no
smoking and no eating. Paul wanted a meeting where he would feel safe
sharing, and a woman and a smoker had started coming to meetings. Neither
the smoker nor the woman are still with us, but the meeting continues on.
It is interesting to note that without any conscious decision, except at
the beginning of that Tuesday meeting, all of our meetings have been
non-smoking. Bob R., who like many of us was finding Sundays a difficult
day, located a space for a meeting on Sunday evenings at the Lesbian and
Gay Community Center on 13th Street in the Village. The Center was to
accommodate most of our new meetings for several years.
| SCA in Southern California |
The beginnings of SCA in California has been previously printed in the SCA Blue book and is also available on the SCA Website. Ed
H.B.
In the Los Angeles, California, area in the late 1970s a small
group of men, all of whom had been arrested for engaging in sexual
behaviors in the parks and other public places, banded into a self-help
group to support each other in trying to stop these actions which they
could not stop by themselves. In 1979 Peter took over as leader of the
group and the focus moved to confrontational reality therapy. This direct
confrontational approach continued for several years. Slowly others began
to hear about the group and the courts began to refer those arrested to
attend meetings just like drinking offenders were sent to AA meetings. But
more important was that a few individuals showed up with some Twelve Step
experience and the tone of the meetings began to change. Michael M. came
back from a visit to New York City where he attended SCA meetings. He
brought back SCA literature, including the original version of the common
characteristics. This became a strong cohesive agent, to know that there
were others out there with the same problems, and that the Twelve Steps
could be worked on sexual compulsion as well as on alcoholism and drug
addiction. The seeds had been sown for the program to grow.
The original focus of SCA in LA was primarily on stopping illegal sexual
behavior, and later also "unsafe" sexual activity. With the arrival of the
Twelve Steps, the Characteristics, and the other SCA literature from New
York, the focus broadened to address recovery from sexually compulsive
behavior as described in The Characteristics. With this new focus and a
non threatening spiritual base, the group started putting new meetings
together. As attendance grew, the first Saturday afternoon meeting moved
from the little room at the back of the Gay and Lesbian Community Services
Center into the large upstairs meeting room. Also a Tuesday evening
sharing meeting was formed, and a Friday evening round robin meeting was
begun.
During this initial swell of new information and people, Peter encountered
a major stumbling block; he could not deal with the Higher Power issue and
chose to resign. This was a sad time, for his dedication had helped the
group to stay together for many years. Nevertheless, the introduction of
the Twelve Steps and the new focus opened the group up to faster growth
and a wider circle of people interested in getting sexual sobriety and
recovery, rather than just those wanting to avoid arrest. In November 1985
the first Sunday evening meeting was started in Plummer Park by several
members including Michael M. and Anthony. Also Joe, who had been working
SCA in New York, moved out to LA and was able to share the experience of
hope and recovery that he had gotten from the New York meetings.
About this time I tried getting sexually sober and just couldn't get any
time together. My interim sponsor suggested I go to a meeting every night
and talk. Well, even with going to all four SCA meetings and the one
Saturday meeting of another sexual recovery program on the other side of
town, I still had nights that I needed meetings. Therein began a daily
search for rooms that would have our group, and for three people who would
commit to supporting the new meeting for its first three months. A few
outlying meetings had been tried but never lasted long enough to develop a
true base of support. During this year the word really began to get out;
people started coming, staying and getting some time together. Some of
them went off to Orange County and Long Beach and started meetings there
as well. It took another three years for Jim K. to get the first San Diego
meeting going on a regular basis with the help of George M. As of this
writing Southern California has had a very active Intergroup with lots of
special workshops and retreats for the membership. It has also been of
service in developing and coordinating literature, and contacting the
courts and therapy community.
People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable.
Be honest and transparent anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People who really want help may attack you if you help them.
Help them anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt.
Give the world your best anyway.
Mother Teresa.
I was a member of the LA Intergroup in 1989. I had
gotten a copy of the SLAA and the SAA newsletters. I took it along to the
Intergroup and showed it around and asked why we couldn’t also have a
newsletter. Marshall L who was head of the Outreach Committee said "Why
don’t you do it?" I had a Commodore 64 computer and matrix printer at that
time. I talked to several people and we decided that since the first ISO
Conference to be held in LA was coming up in February of 1990, we should
try to get the newsletter ready for that. I bounced the first edition of
the newsletter at the ISO Conference and ISO agreed that it would be nice
to have a newsletter and I was elected to do it.
When I moved to Atascadero (half way between LA and San Francisco) Doyle S
in LA said that if I emailed the articles down to him he would format and
put it together. It took a few abortive attempts to transfer from the
Commodore to the PC, but the we made it work eventually. Then another guy,
a Scandinavian or German guy took over when Doyle couldn’t do it any more.
(All this happened within the first year). I send each story to him with a
suggested layout and he put the whole thing together. This lasted for a
few issues. At the end of 1993, I turned it over and Joe F in New York
took it over at the beginning of 1994.
For a couple of years after that I continued to contribute a column called
Food for Thought. From the feedback I got, the column was like a by-proxy
sponsorship.
| Joe F, NYC (Editor 1993-1997) |
As editor of the SCAnner I continued to record of
aspects of the program that were not duly recorded elsewhere (including
intergroup reports, Inter-fellowship forums, ISO meeting reports, and
conference reports). The Scanner is an important record of SCA history.
I also worked on updating the "look" of the Scanner by introducing
professional layout and printing. When I started editing the Scanner, it
was mainly a west coast affair, with the editor and production both
originating in LA. The previous editor, Richard K., out of necessity
performed many of the duties on his own. In those days, we would mail out
a Scanner master for the various Intergroups to photocopy.
I wanted to make the Scanner more accessible and valuable, especially to
people who didn’t live in those places where there was a major SCA
intergroup. I started up the idea of subscriptions to the Scanner, which
allowed people/groups to subscribe if they wished and always have access
to the Scanner even if they couldn’t get to a meeting. Also, when the SCA
website was first introduced, I made sure to have the Scanner posted, as
well as a collection of My Story-s available on-line.
I also tried to centralize production of the Scanner. When I first took on
the reins, production happened in LA, editorial in NYC, and then Chicago
took on printing and distribution. I then found someone in NY to take on
the production aspects, an outsider that we paid (one of those paid
professionals they talk about in the traditions). This was the first time
a non-program person was intimately involved in the process and due to the
nature of the material in the Scanner (including things I wrote), I found
it challenging to work with this outsider. It was a totally positive
experience (he was a great, very open, and spiritual artist, from
California…I guess we were fated to be desk-topped by California no matter
what we did). Also, I enlisted David A-S, in New York, to help out with
proofreading, and some editorial tasks, which facilitated things a lot as
well. It also helped him prepare to be the next editor. I was conscious of
keeping this a "we" process, and not a "me" process. Ultimately, the NY
desktop guy proved to be too expensive, but it was something we tried out,
and learned a lot in the process. Centering most of the process in NYC
made the process so much easier. (Ultimately, ISO decided that production
of the Scanner should take place in the same city as the editor.)
| David A-S (1998- ) |
When I took over the editorship of the SCAnner the
budget for the SCAnner had been cut from $2,000 an issue to a mere $250.
It was quite a challenge to make the new plan work. The new plan was to do
all the editing, production and distribution in the one city, (the city
where the editor was) and it was to be all the responsibility of the
editor. It also meant dispensing with professional or at least a
professionally paid layout artist, and doing the artwork myself in
Microsoft Word.
While I had worked with Joe on the SCAnner I had spend a lot of time
chasing people around the country trying to get them to send us reports on
the activities of the Intergroup in their city. It was unfortunately a
very exhausting process that often did not yield the desired results. Up
to this point the SCAnner had been mostly a newsletter for up-coming
events or a reporting on events that had taken place at various
Intergroups around the country. Since the SCAnner came out, at that time,
quarterly the events advertised had often already taken place, and it
seemed like the SCAnner was always out of date. In view of this, I decided
that I would attempt to make the SCAnner more timeless by turning it into
a literary journal where SCA literature could be produced.
So I changed the format of the SCAnner to a clasp booklet and began to
stalk members at meetings till they promised that they would write an
article for the SCAnner about a particular topic. And so issue on
Meetings, The Steps, The Traditions, The Tools, The Characteristics were
born. I went to great effort to ensure that I got people from across the
country to contribute but as usual the majority of the contributions came
from NYC, simply because I could lean on my fellow New York SCA-ers more
regularly and persistently.
It was quite a thrill to put these issues together, mostly because I was
able to allow the diversity and breadth of our program to shine through
the writings. I did not attempt to homogenize contributions but rather
allowed the contributors to really share themselves as fully as they might
at a meeting. It was particularly rewarding to produce the first piece of
writing detailing The Characteristics, since The Characteristics are one
of the defining aspects of SCA and since no expositional writing about The
Characteristics had been done before. Putting together this issue about
the Beginnings of SCA, was also exciting since it allowed me to speak with
or interact in some way with the Founding Members of many SCA meetings
around the country.
| On the Origins of the Name SCAnner |
Why the name SCAnner. Well, obviously SCA fits into it, which is handy. And Webster’s give one definition of scanner as: "a device that checks a process or condition and may initiate a desired corrective action". Change "device" to "program" and "..need we get out the sledgehammer.
| On the Origins of ISO (International Service Organization) |
President’s Day Weekend, February 16-18, 1990, marks
a milestone in SCA history, the first Southern California SCA National
Convention, a weekend of meetings, spiritual gatherings, workshops and
discussions on issues concerning recovery from sexual addiction...and a
dance and entertainment. All this will take place at the LA City College
Students Center 855 N Vermont Avenue.
Three "official" delegates from the New York SCA Intergroup will join our
three delegates making this conference truly a National Convention. The
major items to be discussed by the delegates will be steps towards the
establishment of an International SCA Organization, with unified "core"
lterature being the first major step. The three SC-SCA delegates named at
the January 21 Intergroup meeting for a one-year commitment are: Hunt B,
Maciek K, and Marshall L. New York will be represented by Frank H,
co-founding member of SCA New York, Robert K and Bob M.
| My Story |
In this issue My Story puts the spot light on a
workhorse of the program, Frank T, from Chicago who is the current Chair
of ISO. I hope you will find his story as riveting as I did.
Ed
Frank T (Chicago)
Every once in awhile I need to look back and see where I have come
from. By telling my story, not only do I realize that I have come far, but
I also realize how cunning and baffling, the addiction is. By remembering
how unmanageable my life was, it makes me work the program even more.
The day I began having sex with men was the day I became an addict. I
started having sex when I was 15 and from that time until 7 years ago I
wanted sex more than anything. My first encounter was with a neighborhood
boy who everyone new was a "fag". Right after that encounter I quickly
sought out 2 neighborhood boys for mutual sex. I needed the sex. At 16 I
realized that something was happening at the local mall bathroom. I
discovered cruising. In no time I was having sex with guys that I would
meet in the bathroom. It did not matter what they looked like as long as I
was sexually satisfied.
I learned very quickly where the other cruising places were in the mall,
especially the ones where you could see into the next stall. I started
lying to my folks about working late at a fast food place, so that I could
go to the mall. Every spare moment I had was dedicated to having sex with
as many different people as I could. When I graduated high school, I went
away to college and that was heaven.
I now was in a city where I could be me. It took me less than an hour to
find the cruising street. I knew I was meant to be gay since God had given
me the gift of finding the place to pick up people. I entered into a
relationship with someone and yet I had to cruise. My schoolwork began to
suffer, but I blamed it on other people.
Then just before Halloween, I ended up being seduced by a young woman who
was drunk. I could not believe the person I had become. The person, who I
was dating, broke off the relationship because I was sleeping around. In
the midst of the chaos of that year, I attempted suicide. I had to leave
school, but again I blamed everything on other people.
Once back home, I began to cruise again and this time I was old enough to
go to the bars. I discovered the wonderful life of the backrooms in the
bars as well as the bathhouses. My appetite for sex grew and I thought it
was normal. I believed that to be gay in the early 70’s meant having sex
and lots of it. I mean what else could gay mean other than wanting to have
sex with a guy. I continued to cruise even though I was arrested in a
parking lot for having sex with a guy. I was lucky in the sense that I was
given a warning. The undercover cops told me that they did not want to see
me there or at the beach. The next week I told myself that I had to check
out the beach. I found another place to cruise.
About a year later, sometime in the early part of 1973, I realized that
the life I was living was not what I wanted. I truly hated my life and
knew that I had to change. And so change I did, I decided that since I did
not like being a slut, then I should be straight. I decided to go
straight. Well that lasted about 6 months. I became so irritable, short
tempered, a real "bitch". One day my sister asked what was up. I told her
that I had gone straight and she laughed. She told me that I could not be
something I wasn’t. She was right, I was gay and I needed to full accept
it. Well it was gay pride day in NY when I went to my closest friends and
told them that their "sister" was back and with a vengeance. I also
decided that if I was going to be gay, I was going all the way which meant
having even more sex more often. I began to have multiple anonymous
encounters every day. The more I had a day, the more I thought I was being
gay. Again in spite of getting a ticket for loitering and seeing my friend
arrested I continued to cruise.
A year later I met someone and entered into my first long relationship. He
was a wonderful person and yet I thought him strange, since he did not
want to have sex with me right away. He explained that he wanted to love
me for who I was and not for what I did in bed. In spite of this
relationship I continued to have sex with other guys. My boyfriend even
new I was cheating and told me "I understand". I found that funny at the
time since I did not understand. Again I knew that something was not right
but I could not put my finger on it. I decided to end the relationship
(which was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do) and I entered the
seminary. I thought that the answer was becoming a missionary priest.
Well I had to go back to college to study philosophy and I found a school
that was at least 50% gay and no one being celibate. I figured well I
would eventually get the hang of celibacy, but for now it was okay to have
sex. The number of partners dropped considerably, from several in one day
to several in a week but it did not stop completely. When I finished my
philosophy studies it was time to take a year out in preparation of taking
my vows. The year was meant to be one of prayer, contemplation and
spirituality. Well for me it was also a year of continued sex.
At the end of the year, it was time for me to take my vows. When the
ceremony was over, the priest who took my vows realized that I looked
puzzled. He asked me what the problem was and I said that I was expecting
a change; I thought that I would be different and I wasn’t. Well I was off
to graduate school to get my degree in theology and to a new city. I was
hoping for a new beginning, but the old behaviors were still there. After
my first year, I went away to the jungles of New Guinea for a pastoral
year. Again I figured, that this would change things. Things did change
for about 9 months. I ended up sleeping with a young man there and soon
there were drawings of a man wearing glasses with his privates showing. I
knew that it could not be me. How truly blind I was. I returned back to
the states and decided that I should tell my superiors that I was gay. I
thought that if they knew I was gay, they would surly kick me out. I was
wrong and three years later I was took my vows for life and was ordained a
deacon. Again, I thought that the skies should have opened up when I took
my vows. I was ordained a priest 7 months later and on the night of my
ordination, I slept with someone. I told myself that it was okay, since I
knew the person. I’d been having sex with this person on and off for six
years, ever since he was a high school senior. The next day I celebrated
my first mass and still I felt no change. I was still the same person as I
was before. Nothing had changed.
I started classes at a local university for a master’s degree in
Chemistry. It took me less than a day to find the cruising places. I soon
had to withdraw from graduate school before I was kicked out. I was off to
the Philippines and a new start. The school I was to teach at was right in
the middle of the "red light" district. On the one side there were female
prostitutes, the other side there were drag queens looking for straight
men and on the third side were male hustlers. I was glad that I was being
sent away for six months of language school on another island. I figured
if I could get the right start, things would be different.
While at language school, I was given a language buddy to help me when I
was away from school. He was to be my translator and teacher when not at
school. Well after being with him one day we were in bed together. I also
ran across a birthday beach party one night. All the guys were gay and by
the time the night was over, I had sex with all of them.
Back at the university, I began visiting a gay bar about 2 blocks from the
school. The purpose of the gay bar was to watch dancers and then select
one that you would have sex with. It was not a place to meet other gay
men. I would go there to pay a dancer to have sex with. Also right near
the gay bar was the pick up spot. At least 3 times a week I was out
looking for and paying for sex. My life was so out of control that I truly
believed that no one knew who was at the gay bar or on the cruising
street, in spite of the fact that I celebrated mass three blocks away
every Saturday and Sunday evening, and close to 2000 people attended mass.
I truly believed that no one knew I was a priest. There were of course a
few people who knew I was a priest, manly the college guys who worked at
the church. They would need money on occasion and I would give it to them
in exchange for sexual favors. My life was spinning more and more out of
control.
I began to get involved with a renewal program among businessmen and
women. I thought that maybe joining this group, the crazy behavior would
stop. I was even "baptized in the spirit". The crazy behavior did stop,
but only for 4 days. Things were getting worse. I picked up a hustler one
night and 2 months later he demanded more money. I began to pay him off,
but soon it was too much for me. Out of desperation I told my superior and
we both sought out lawyers. While it might have been somewhat acceptable
for a priest to hire a female prostitute, it was totally unacceptable for
a priest to hire a male prostitute, and the hustler I had knew this. Both
lawyers suggested that I leave the country for a period of time. I quickly
packed everything but left the city thinking that I would return. I flew
on to the capital city and had to wait there until the appropriate papers
where filed so that I could return. Again I could not control the crazy
behavior and was soon cruising a local mall and acting out. About two days
before I was scheduled to leave the lights came on.
I remembered a conference that I had attended 9 years earlier on sexual
addiction and I also remembered word for word a questionnaire that I read
in which at the time I answered no to every question. Now I was answering
yes and it scared me. I arrived in San Francisco and went to my parent’s
home. I told them that I was sick and needed help. I called my superior in
Chicago and told him that I needed to fly to Chicago right away and see
him. He suggested that I take a week or two and just relax and have a
vacation. I told him that a vacation was not what I needed. I told him I
needed help and that I was an addict and could not stop. I was booked on
the first flight to Chicago the next morning. When I arrived in Chicago I
opened up completely. I now knew what the problem was. I was a sex addict.
My superior told me that there was a treatment center in St. Louis that I
could go to. I was also told that a priest from my religious community was
scheduled to go to the center, but he could not get out of the
Philippines. There was a ticket for me to St. Louis and a place at the
treatment center. I flew to St. Louis and knew that I was on the right
road. That was a week before Thanksgiving Day in 1992. A week later I
attended my first SCA meeting and again I knew this was the place for me.
I wrote my bottom line in January of 1993 and have been true to it ever
sense. When I left the treatment center in St. Louis I moved to Chicago
and was blessed again for there was a growing SCA community in Chicago.
After 2 years of aftercare, I chose to ask for a leave of absence from my
religious community. I was able to make the request, because I had
surrounded myself with a rainbow of support, a good sponsor, good friends
in recovery, good friends outside of recovery and a loving religious
community. A year later I had to make a very tough decision. Again being
blessed with a nurturing support group, I decided to leave the priesthood
permanently.
Since being in recovery, I have come to believe in the promises. The
promises do indeed come true. My life is a testament to the promises. I
have job, in which I love and am appreciated. I have a family that has for
the most part accepted not only my being gay, but also has accepted the
man I have been dating for almost a year now. I am in a loving
relationship with a man, who loves me the way I am and who wants to make
the relationship permanent. Of course now that I am in a relationship, my
addiction has put on a new face. While my addiction took the form of
anonymous sex in the beginning, it now has now taken on a new form in my
relationship. I find myself being compulsive in my relationship. This
disease, this addiction is indeed very cunning. As I stated, the promises
do come true, but not without a price. I have had to work for my recovery.
Doing the steps, reading literature, making calls, going to meetings,
meditating and doing service has caused the promises to come true in my
life. I’ve also had to stay away from people, places and things that were
harmful to me. I’ve had to say goodbye to friends who would keep me in the
addiction, bye to places that were slippery for me. But the goodbyes were
worth it, for I have gained something very precious, my life.
| Beginnings of SCA |
In an attempt to record the beginnings of SCA around
the country and around the world, the following pages detail the beginning
of SCA (in chronological order) in New York, Los Angeles, Orange County,
Chicago, San Diego, Milwaukee, St Louis, Washington DC, Phoenix, LA
Spanish, On-line, Belgium, San Francisco, Montreal, Budapest and e-group.
Generally I was able to speak or communicate with the founding members in
each of these cities. I either interviewed them or got them to write out a
history of SCA in their city. Since I asked them all the same questions
(When did SCA start? What were the first meetings like? Format? Size?
Location? etc) I decided to remove the questions and present the text as a
unified whole. For this reason there sometimes appear to be gaps in the
text, but rest assured nothing is missing, it’s just that the questions
were removed. At the end of the interview I did ask the founding members
if they had any recollections about the SCAnner when it first came out and
since then. Not everyone had anything to contribute on this point. Where
there were comments these have generally been added at the end of the
transcript.
I hope these transcripts will act as a starting point for discussion,
reminiscing and further research into the courage and faith of the
founding members of SCA. Thank you each and everyone of you for continuing
to come back and for being there when the rest of us arrived.
[To avoid repetition (in the case of NY and LA) I asked Saul M (NY) and
Marshall L (LA) both founding or near-founding members in their city to
give their impressions of the early meetings in New York and Los Angeles].
Ed.
| New York |
Saul M (1981)
I remember that SCA started in 1981 in Bill L’s apartment. He had gone
to SA meetings, and he wasn’t getting what he needed there, so he decided
to start a meeting in his apartment, using their literature, which was
homophobic. The meeting in Bill’s apartment was very comfy. He had a small
apartment. There were three or four people all in one room, his studio
apartment that was full of pottery. I remember sitting on a piece of
pottery at the very first meeting and I didn’t know what it was. All I
knew was that it was hard and I was sitting on it.
The first meetings were very interesting. We had a phone network, what we
called a phone tree. We didn’t know where we would meet from week to week.
We had more than Bill’s apartment, we had Tom and Richard’s apartments
too. So we’d call each other and say "Ok girls, where are we meeting
tonight?" And the answer would be that we would meet at Tom’s or
Richard’s. We didn’t have a static space we had a fluid space.
It felt like we were the two daughter of Lot, surviving Sodom and
Gomorrah. We were the first people out there. Would there ever be other
survivors of sexual addiction? I felt very blessed. I felt like I was one
of the first to get a seat on the rowboat leaving the Titanic. I thought
"Why me?". I felt very lucky. I belonged to other fellowships, which
trained me very well. DA, which is a very disciplined fellowship, was in
my life before SCA. That’s where I met Bill, who was my sponsor. I was
twelve stepped from one Fellowship into another. I was also in OA, which
is also very disciplined with its Food Plan, and DA has a Spending Plan
and an Action Plan. In SCA we have the Sexual Recovery plan, so it was
like "Welcome home!". I joined seven more programs after that.
My DA sponsor noticed that I was spending money on hustlers, which is not
good when you are trying to pay off your debts. I told him how I went to
backrooms and bathhouses, and he understood, but he was not into hustlers.
He could see the money I was spending and he said to me "Have I got a
program for you!". I was a little upset and offended. I thought "Is this
for me?". I’m out every night looking for men, all over the city, at the
baths, piers, trucks, bathhouses and bookshops, and not getting any sleep,
yet I asked "Is this for me?" I decided to give it a shot.
When I first went along I thought, "Well, therapy is not helping me", (my
therapist tried to seduce me, by the way), "what else have I to go to deal
with this kind of thing?" My therapist (who was very handsome and was once
totally naked in his apartment when he knew I was coming to see him), told
me that what I was doing was not good for me. I said "Really?" So then I
described how I had sex with a man who had no legs and that I didn’t know
it. The therapist said that this wasn’t a positive thing that I was doing.
I told him: "This is a great insight you are giving me. And for this you
are charging me $80 an hour?" That’s why I stayed in SCA, to show him that
there was another way. Another route, where I didn’t have to pay $80 to be
told that it wasn’t a good thing to go out with men whose names I didn’t
know, or men who just got out of Attica and bring them back to my
apartment. It only cost me a dollar to go to SCA.
Frank H used to tell us about the cutie pies and cutie dolls he had met,
which meant someone as short as him and absolutely adorable. I always used
to get hungry because of all the cutie pies. He used a lot of hand
gestures too when he talked and was very dramatic. Bill L would talk about
his mother and what he went through, and how Virginia, his sister, was so
difficult, and how temptation is everywhere in New York. He was more a
Katherine Hepburn, he even looked like Katherine Hepburn.
There’s really no merit on my part in my still being in SCA. I’m a Taurus.
My karma is loyalty and stick-to-it-ism. I’m the kind that will be playing
God Save the Queen when the Titanic has its last bubble going out. I don’t
know if there is any great merit in that on my part. I’ve done that with
all my programs. I have loyalty to organizations, like the Gay Temple, for
example. I’ve gone there every Friday for the last 28 years. People who
drop out for 10 years, and then still see me there when they come back,
faint, because they don’t expect someone going back 28 years, still there.
And it was the same thing in SCA. I had nowhere else to go, that was my
brilliance, my merit, I just realized. That was my merit, I had nowhere
else to go.
The first few SCA meetings we were like war stories of how we couldn’t
stop acting out. No one had a day count. It was, I got home okay last
night but then I acted out coming to the meeting. People would actually
describe what they were going to do physically with someone after the
meeting. Then someone with sobriety in another program would say "First
Step!". The people from AA were like the Praetorian Guard, they would say
"First Step, we don’t do that!" But the rest of us in SCA were in a
complete fog. There was no literature the literature had no coalesced. We
were like one of those stars that had not coalesced. We were so amorphous.
Meetings were from one apartment to another, the literature was homophobic
and was all blacked out with a marker, new literature was being written
day to day, so you get the picture, it was like the front line, very fluid
and amorphous. Recovery was still possible because it was the Grace of
God. These little steps we were taking was like reaching out for the grace
of God which was always there. It wasn’t that we had great merit, but
rather we had the humility to know that there was no solution without God,
Higher Power. That was the great insight we had and we were willing to
stick around to see it happen. It wasn’t just a gay men’s disease which we
all thought that it was back then.
We went from one meeting a week at the 4th Street Methodist Church that
was big enough to hold us all to five a week, and then the Gay and Lesbian
Center opened and there were 10 a week. It all started from sitting on one
hard vase in Bill’s apartment to now. We were in a little raft thinking,
"if we don’t stick together we will go under". Now we are in a big
steamer.
There was competition too in the early days of SCA. Who would be the worst
story of the night and who would be the funniest person at the meeting? I
myself won many a golden bow in the latter category. There were one or two
rivals but they don’t come any more now. People still do that, but there
is a lot more honesty in the rooms, there isn’t that one- upmanship. Money
was also a big issue. There was a point where we were desperate for funds.
We had to pay the rent and if there are only ten people in the fellowship,
where do you get the money from? Then there is the ones who have died.
This is my own thought: if you are in a fellowship then you don’t die, you
are in protection. We lost a lot of people to Aids. They were the protégés
of service. They weren’t like those ones who do their nails in the back,
you know, "I just want to share and get out of here! Call me so I can get
out before the break!" No, it wasn’t those kind. One was Ariel, he was a
school teacher, he was just happy to be in the rooms, he died of Aids.
Another was Bart who was involved in putting up the scenery at SCA shows.
God has a sense of humor. I used to act out on the bottom floor of a Hotel
called the Asonia. One of our members had an apartment in the building,
the Penthouse of the same Hotel. His whole apartment was covered in
recovery statements. He was a famous ballet choreographer. He died of
Aids. His name was Burton. He did the first SCA Show, called "SCA Lake".
We still remember these guys and lots of others. They are not there
anymore but they made a lot of real contributions. I wish we had a plaque
for them for all they have done.
| Los Angeles |
Marshal L (1981)
SCA began in LA in early 1980. I joined about six months after the
original inception. A group of men who had this problem and couldn’t find
any other group, doctor or service to help them banded together to form a
group. When I joined there were 8 - 12 men attending on a regular basis,
once a week on the second floor of the old gay Center in Hollywood. There
were a couple of members from AA and they directed us to a speaking
followed by sharing type format. We sat around din a circle more or less
to the configurations of the room. There was no recovery. I f someone had
more than a week of recovery we thought that they had got the word of God,
(ie that God had spoken to them directly). We were just dumping on each
other, talking about what we couldn’t stop doing. We kept coming back
because we had no where else to go. Also because we were all gay men we
banded together because of the stigma of being gay.
When I got there I had been convicted and charged for having sex with
someone under 18 years old. I was put on probation for 3 years, back then
that was not a big deal. My probation officer who had an AA background
suggested that I should go to an organization that had a terrible name,
SCA. She suggested I go to a meeting to see if I connected with anybody
there. I said that I would do so voluntarily. At my first meeting I sat
cross legged. I heard some of my own thoughts spoken by complete
strangers, and I felt at home. After my first meeting I went back and told
my probation officer about my experiences. She told me to continue to show
up. I didn’t share for the first six months, but I kept going back.
We had no literature then. We used AA literature and substituted alcohol
for sexual compulsion. I was elected to be the first Literature person. We
saw the need for our own literature committee so we formed a group and I
was on it. A group of us started to go through AA and OA Literature, to
find literature that we could put together in a book. We were just about
to go to press when we got a call from a pushy guy in NY, Frank H, who
told us that they were doing it in NY and that we should stop. In typical
California style the LA people said "Fuck off!". Frank didn’t take to that
kindly and there were phone calls back and forth. Finally we decided to
get together for the first time to work on Literature, what was to become
the Blue Book. Frank arrived with 2 other people from NY. We felt
threatened so we got three people together, plus a moderator and someone
to take copious notes. We had a meeting. They had their plan and we had
our plan. We were both in about the same place, both ready to go to press.
It was an auspicious occasion. It was the first time LA and NY had got
together to anything in a joint effort. People had been to NY meeting and
brought back stuff but there had been no official contact. This was the
first time the Fellowship came together as one whole. At that meeting we
decided that instead of an East Coast and a West Coast version, we would
combine our strength and hope and put together one book.
The book did not come about easily all the same. It took some time. I
remember a one hour conversation about a semi-colon. It was extremely hard
work to put it together. We did 12-18 hour sessions to put it together.
Now we have many different meetings. We have more focused meetings. The
first meetings were just speaker meetings. Now we have meetings that focus
on dating, relationships, new-comers meetings, Spanish speaking meetings,
12 Step Study meetings, all those special focus meetings. We even have
candle light meetings. A few of the original members still attend but most
have just faded away and have gotten their own kind of recovery, they
don’t feel threatened by the issue any more and have moved on. We have had
a great deal of death in the fellowship too. Some have also moved to other
cities and started meeting there, George M for example moved to San
Diego.
I remember the SCAnner. Richard K brought some newsletters from other
fellowships to the Intergroup meeting and said we didn’t have any
inter-group communication. I said that was a great idea and said "Why
don’t you do it?" That was the beginning of the SCAnner. Richard K was the
Barbara Walters of SCA.
| Orange County (1984) |
Gary S
The Meetings in Orange County started around 1984-85. At that time there
were only two meetings in all of Southern California. My therapist
suggested that I should go to a meeting, and so I went to the meeting in
LA. I was appalled at my first meeting. It was everything I feared it
would be. Three months later I truly hit bottom - I went back and I found
it supportive and caring, everything I needed. The meeting was 45 miles
away and in a slippery area. There were only one or two meetings at the
time, and I needed more. The secretary of the SCA meeting suggested I
start a meeting in Orange County.
So I did a bit of outreach. Some people I had been "tricking" with. Some
were priests and therapists. They agreed with me about having a meeting as
long as it was a closed meeting by invitation only. We got together and
started a closed meeting on Sunday nights in Laguna Beach. Some of the
therapists from those first meetings went on to form practices
specializing in sexual recovery. Shortly another meeting opened at the Gay
and Lesbian Community Center, on Thursdays. It attracted between 10-20
people from Long Beach as well as San Diego. The two meetings were now
going strong. Then a third meeting for working the Steps opened up at the
Garden Grove Center too. The three meetings hovered between 4-15 people
each.
Eventually the Sunday night meeting moved from a private house to a church
in Huntington Beach, and then it dwindled. Two meetings, the Tuesday and
Thursday night meetings have lasted for the last 8 years.
Since there was a lot of therapists in the first meetings we did not use a
format. We just shared about how our week was. We didn't talk much about
Steps. There were some recovering Alcoholics who knew about the Steps, but
no one talked about them or tried to use them for the first year. Then
some new comers asked if we were supposed to practice the stuff we were
reading about in the Four Fold? Aren't we supposed to share about doing
the steps instead of just talking about having slips and how out of
control we were and how insidious the disease was. After that many of the
members tried to share about the Slogans, and The Traditions,
powerlessness, spirituality and journaling, and talking about the Steps on
a regular basis. Now we have a number of resources. We get people from all
sectors of the community. We have our own telephone line. We also have a
lot of referrals from various courts, Lawyers and therapists. We are also
part of Southern County Intergroup and we have a ISO representative, so
that we can avail ourselves to new literature, and stay in touch with new
meetings, retreats and conventions.
The make-up of the meetings is such that members will come till they feel
a little better and then they move on. There are only a few people who
have given back through service. After a few months many go back to
society and re-integrate. As a result we don't have the long-term sobriety
or support for new comers. It's not the way I run my program, it's an
individual thing. Part of my commitment to recovery is to give back and to
work my program. I don't go back to the depth of despair that I was in
when I came into program by helping others and allowing others to help
me.
I started a meeting in the early 80's and a lot my friends, including my
sponsor have died. That was a hard thing to deal with. Going to meetings
and the program helped me process all these losses. I feel, that the
program is a blue print on how to cope with various things in life.
I have always been enthused about the SCAnner. It has represented the
program so well, and talked about hope and recovery as well as what
Intergroups are doing. We read from the SCAnner at the Tuesday night
meeting, and then have an open discussion or even use it as a basis for a
workshop. It's a great tool we have, full of invaluable information that
can't be found in other books. The contents have come from the heart and
mirror people’s experiences.
| Montreal (1986) |
Jimmy S
SCA began in Montreal, Canada on Oct. 22, 1986 in the home of Tom B with
two other members: Jerry C and David M. Actually the three members had not
yet defined the program as SCA, they only knew they all shared a common
problem and were searching for a common solution. Their first meeting in
the yet unnamed group lasted three hours, each of them grateful that at
last they had others to identify with. During the next weeks David M found
'Out of the Shadows' and the process of defining the group started. Nov.
12th, 1986 the fourth member, Michael, joined; yet still the group
remained unnamed. Still searching, Tom B called New York whereby the group
was introduced to the SCA fellowship. May 87, Tom, Jerry and Michael went
to their first N.Y. conference where they meet Frank H and Brian K.
Afterwards the Montreal group becomes part of the SCA fellowship and the
pamphlets with the Steps and Characteristics become the guiding force for
the members.
In March of 87 the small group moved from Toms' home into St. Patrick's
Church. There they stay, with a few newcomers drifting in and out, until
Sept. 87 when they moved to The Good Shepherds' Center. The next six
months saw the original members drift away until only Tom B remained. For
the following years, Tom remained the Montreal SCA contact, on occasion
meeting out-of-towners for coffee, and if needed, directing them to an
existing SLAA meeting. In spirit the message was carried until 1995 when,
once again, the meeting restarted in Toms' home. For the next year it
remained there with the format centering around the SCA literature which
the original members had obtained from the New York conference. In the
months that passed the group grew until a larger space was required. For
awhile the group, around four to eight members, meets at a public indoor 'pic-
nic' like place, until finally one of the members, Steve M., goes out to
speak with the different parishes around downtown Montreal.
All groups have their highs and lows, and a good story must be told here:
After speaking with several individuals in charge of public places, trying
to secure a location for our meeting, Steve M., and Jim S., at last found
what looked like a terrific place. But (of course) they wanted to know
more about our program. When Steve was asked by the church secretary to
describe our SCA program, he mentioned the Bill Clinton scandal of
inappropriate sexual behavior: and then he loaned the secretary and the
church authority the Blue meeting book (with ‘The Characteristics’
delineated). Afterwards, he returned shamed and frazzled. Speaking openly
about the specifics of our addiction with those individuals outside the
fellowship was extraordinarily embarrassing and painful. In spite of his
awkwardness, the church agreed to have us meet there!
On October of 1996, ten years after the meeting of the first three, SCA
found its new home at St. George’s Church. Not only was the Church
centrally located, but the group had a beautiful, private, meeting room.
Over the next four years the group remained small, on average two to five
members, and on rare occasions reaching ten or so. Steve M attended SCA
meetings regularly in the early '90's, and kept us informed about the
fellowship in New York, and has since gently encouraged the group to
follow the SCA format. Today, though the core remains small, it shines
with sobriety, one day at a time. Thank-you God, SCA, and those before us,
for carrying the message of Hope and Recovery.
| Chicago (1989) |
Tom M
SCA started in Chicago in March of 1989, as near as I can remember I
believe it was the first Sunday of the month. The reason it started was
because myself and the other two founding members Doug S. and John G, were
all in ACOA meetings in the Newtown Alano Club in Chicago and as near as I
can recall, John I believe talked about his sexual compulsive issues at
one of our ACOA meetings. And then Doug and myself identified with those
issues. At the time I was seeing a therapist and he felt that I did have
sexual compulsive issues. John informed me that there were 12 step
meetings for this issue, one of them was SCA which at that time existed in
New York. He had contacted some SCA members in New York and had gotten the
information to start a meeting. John approached me about starting a
meeting in Chicago.
The first meeting started in my apartment and went on from March to June
or July of 1989. We advertised at the Alano Club. Typically during that
time we had about six members in my apt. It got a little uncomfortable
continuing to have meetings there because we were getting new people we
advertised in the gay Chicago magazine so people would come to find out
where the meeting was and with all these new faces, we realized we needed
to find a public place to hold our meetings. John was a choir director at
a Unitarian church in a suburb outside of Chicago. So we decided to
contact a Unitarian church near where I lived here in the city and John
went before their board and made a formal request to rent space. Thus the
first Sunday 7:30pm SCA meeting found its first and permanent home. It
still meets today. Within the next couple of years other meetings sprung
up. The first ones were founded at the Newtown Alano Club. There was a
Monday 7:30pm meeting a Friday 7:15pm meting and a Saturday 2:30pm that
formed, I believe in that order.
We have been using the information we got from New York all along. The
meetings themselves in Chicago vary a little in terms of time. Most of the
meetings are 90 minutes a couple are an hour long. For instance, our
Thursday meeting is a Step One, Two and Three meeting. We read from Hope
and Recovery Step One, one week and then we rotate Two and Three. The
Sunday meeting was a Step One through Twelve meeting. We still do Steps
One through Twelve on successive weeks. Group members periodically
throughout the year write down ideas for a discussion meeting. For
instance, "keeping your sobriety", "the slogans, how they help you". We
put those into an envelope and every other week we pull one out and that
is our topic
We do have somewhat of a revolving door problem with our meetings. In
other words, people will come around for a couple of months, or a couple
of years and then we don’t see them anymore. This is a difficult addiction
to get a grasp on. What I’ve seen change is the faces. And that can be a
bit of a problem because periodically throughout the eleven years we’ve
had, we’ve needed the old timers and they haven’t been there. For whatever
reason, some have moved away, but a lot just don’t come back anymore. One
of the things that I think has been consistent and to everyone’s credit is
that we really do have a very active Intergroup here in Chicago. Each
meeting has a representative to our Intergroup, and our Intergroup is very
successful in putting on monthly socials. And we seem to have a commitment
now every year to have some kind of workshop/convention in October where
members can go to a variety of themed workshops that are scheduled over a
weekend. And people find that very helpful to their recovery.
I think that people who stick with the program gain confidence. I see
people come into the program, (myself included), who are very depressed. I
mean, nobody enters our doors because life is going well. And if that is
the case, it’s a horrible form of denial that soon is broken. I’ve seen
people become less depressed and then happy in their lives. I’ve seen
people regain careers. I’ve seen people be able to be in relationships
because of their involvement with the program. And form friendships. And
I’ve seen people with horrible despair gradually turn that into hope.
What’s most powerful for me in meetings is when somebody begins the
program, keeps going and is able to report back progress. And I not only
hear the progress, but I see it in their face and I see it in their lives.
And that shows me what the power of this program is all about.
Somebody might talk about being able to not act out, or somebody may talk
about the fact that they’ve overcome the urge to act out on a Friday night
as the result of going to a meeting and calling people and I hear about it
on Monday night and I see a change in them. The previous Monday they were
down cast. But because they took the initiative to begin to use the tools
of the program there was a change and then lo and behold they were able to
remember. Sometimes I think this disease is a disease of forgetting. I
have to constantly remember our tools. I see people remembering what
worked in the past and they continue to use it and I see a strength in
them. I don’t see the sad face I don’t see the sad eyes. I see them gain
time of sobriety that later is followed by them being able to make
decisions for themselves in their personal lives, maybe change a career,
end a relationship, or start one.
I have in the last year I have rediscovered the SCAnner. I have saved many
copies back the last three or four years. And a few months ago I was
grumbling that we as a fellowship didn’t have much of our own literature.
Then as I was going through a drawer I realized this stuff existed. How
had I forgotten about it? And I’ve begun re-reading some of that
information and I find it very powerful. In beginning years I wasn’t too
interested in the SCAnner. I don’t think my addict wanted me to look at
it. More recently I just see the value in the literature. It’s a wonderful
tool. I’ve heard literature called ‘the meeting in our pocket’. And that’s
true. It truly is a meeting in a pocket. When I’m sometimes feeling
triggered, or not in a great space, I may not be able to find someone on
the phone, there may not be a meeting, but there is literature. I think
the other value we have in the literature is that it’s a great way for me
to start my morning. So I have started to read the SCAnner just a little
bit in the morning, just a couple paragraphs even, breaking an article
into bits and reading it, I get more out of it.
| San Diego (1989) |
George M
When I got to San Diego in 1989, there was just one meeting with only one
or two people. As far as I can remember, people heard about it happening
in LA and they got some information from there. In the first meetings
people just talked about what was going on for them. We also read from the
Steps and the Characteristics, but we had no formal format. Now we have
sponsorship, people talking about steps and working the steps, and step
study. We also have a Conference every year and we have an Intergroup. We
have almost one meeting a day. SAA is also here and we have co-operated
with them to put on our Conference. We have a variety of meetings. We have
one that focuses on relationships, one for Steps and a First Step meeting.
We also have step studies that are done outside meetings, where people
study and work on the Steps.
I keep going to meetings because I really need to go. It keeps me from
going "out there". It’s also a reminder and a way of connecting, as well
as a way of giving service.
The SCAnner was very valuable when it first came out because it got people
united and got them to know what was going on across the country. Today
it’s become a little more sophisticated with more technology and stories.
It’s changed from that stand point, but the message is still the same.
Recovery. There are people out there that are struggling and winning, we
are not alone. There is hope.
| Milwaukee (1992) |
Raymond K
SCA meetings began on Milwaukee in 1992 but we are not certain of the
exact date. There were other fellowships going on in Milwaukee prior to
SCA. One member, Leonard S who was a member of SLAA had friends in
Chicago. He had been to a meeting of SLAA at the Newtown Al-Anon Club a
social recovery club for gay and lesbian recovering from addiction, and
there was an SCA meeting going on there. Leonard had experienced some
problems connecting with other gay and lesbian and had (as did I) a desire
to connect with other gay and lesbians who were recovering from
addiction.
When Leonard went to his first SCA meeting in Chicago he had thought that
we needed this in Milwaukee. So he contacted the Board of the Galliano
Club in Milwaukee, a gay and lesbian recovery club that housed 12 step
meetings as well as a social recovery club. He wanted them to permit SCA
to meet at the Galliano Club. The Board approved it and the first SCA
meeting in Milwaukee began on a Sunday night in 1992. I couldn’t go to a
Sunday night meeting, so I started a Wednesday night meeting. We had a
Wednesday at 8:00pm meeting for some time. Sometimes the Wednesday night
meeting was sparse, in fact there were times when I was sitting there on
my own. I would just sit and read from a daily meditation book, or an SCA
pamphlet. At other times there were one or two people. The Sunday night
meeting was a little more populated.
We created a format based on our experience of other 12 step fellowships.
The meetings started to grow. Then I had to work on Wednesday nights so I
asked the group if we could move the meeting to Thursday night and
everyone agreed. The Wednesday night meeting closed and to date the Sunday
night and Thursday night meeting continue. A Tuesday night meeting has
been added. We had a Friday night meeting at a different site that
flourished for a number of years, but eventually closed.
A number of years ago (1996) we hosted the Annual SCA ISO Conference. I
helped with hosting that. It was a wonderful event and very meaningful for
my recovery. Our hosting the ISO Conference helped to bring SCA validity
to this city. Some of the other "S" fellowships had been here and there
but the ISO Conference really helped to establish SCA in Milwaukee. We
have a phone list and a toll free help line, we put a notice in the
popular gay and lesbian Milwaukee periodicals and we do outreach to health
professionals.
Our membership had never been exclusively homosexual, that’s been
consistent. The meeting format has predominantly stayed the same. The
meetings are closed meetings. We have had groups, the Sunday night, the
Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday night meetings have hosted open meetings or
speaker meetings. We read literature, though not necessarily SCA
literature. We use Hope and Recovery as a basic text. Our meetings focus
on a Step or a Tradition or a topic suggested by a group member, or a
story from Hope and Recovery. We use these things as a basis for holding
the meeting. We also use SCA publications like Secret Shame. It is a
wonderful experience when you find another gay and lesbian who is in
recovery, the hope that you see. The identification becomes meaningful.
Thank God for SCA, and the gay and lesbian groups that have supported 12
Step groups. It has helped us with the denial we all go through.
We have 3 fellowships in Milwaukee SLAA, SAA and SCA, but no SA. I used to
think that there was no way I could go to SAA but now I see that if that’s
where you need to be then and that’s where your path leads you, then
that’s where you will be. I used to feel horrified at the idea of everyone
having their own path. I just hope I can keep following mine and share it
with others who are like-minded. The idea of a personal recovery plan, the
idea of healthy sexuality is a perfect fit for me.
I remember the first issue of the SCAnner. It was a wonderful publication.
I remember how valuable it was to learn more about SCA. It helped me to
see that sexual recovery was a broader concern, not just something
happening here in Milwaukee.
| St Louis (1992) |
Jim M
SCA started in St Louis in 1992. A small group of gay men had been going
to S recovery meetings since 1985. The only program we had in St Louis at
the time was SA. A couple of us found the sobriety statement in that
program a little too restrictive. We started to talk about this among
ourselves, but we didn’t know of any other program. So we started to
explore other possibilities. We started a small SAA meeting that lasted
from 1987 to 1990. There was a handful of people that would attend, a core
of about 10 and a range of 5 to 12 some weeks. We had only one meeting a
week.
We had a group conscience and decided to try another format and went to
the SLAA meeting at the Alano Club in St Louis. We met there from January
1991 to February 1992. Around this time, one of our members Phillip B had
taken a trip to NY. He heard about SCA. I originally pooh-poohed the idea
of SCA. I said that we had already tried 3 programs, we didn’t need
another one. Within weeks of Phillip going to New York, another member Bob
C, a friend of mine in Chicago had started drug and alcohol recovery. By
total accident he went to an SCA meeting at the Alano Community Center and
told me about it. I went to an SCA meeting myself and it was incredible. I
knew I needed this program. I read the Four Fold, the 14 Characteristics,
the Blue Book. It was a revelation. This is what I had been looking for
over the last 7 years.
Then a Flier came from LA about the ISO Conference. I decided that I had
to go to the ISO Conference to find out what this was all about. I called
Brian K, from New York, who was the national Coordinator at that time, and
asked if I could attend the ISO Conference, so I could find out more about
SCA. He said "Yes, of course" I went and met all these incredible people.
The ISO meeting was completely over my head. The main debate that year was
whether SCA should remain exclusively gay. I was at that time totally
opposed to integration, because I felt that we had struggled so hard to
find our identity and we didn’t belong anywhere. My attitude has changed
now. I got copies of all the SCA literature at the time and took it back
to the SLAA meeting at the Alano Club in St Louis. When I read out the14
Characteristics everyone was stunned into silence. We all agreed that this
was where we wanted to go and within a month we changed our format and
became an SCA meeting.
A core group of about 5 people had been meeting for seven years, but we
had not been that organized. Almost within weeks of declaring ourselves as
an SCA meeting God started to send people to us. The group doubled in size
from five to ten people and within a year we had a core of 25 people. We
started two other meetings and an Intergroup. We had representation at
ISO. People traveled to other cities and got more information. Things just
grew and grew. Today we have 10 meetings and a core group of about 60
people who attend meetings regularly. Well, over 50% of our membership is
straight. I had always thought that we would stay gay but it hasn’t turned
out that way. We have also getting more black people attending our
meetings in the last year. Some meetings have as much as 25% black
membership. We don’t however have much of a female presence.
The format of our meetings is such that we generally rotate the format.
Once a month we will do a first step inventory meeting. We have a meeting
that focuses on the first three steps, sponsorship, a speaker meeting
steps study group and the Monday night meeting is for beginners. We
generally bring up the Sexual Recovery Plan at every meeting.
I have always been concerned about the number of people that drop out. SCA
is such a revolving door program. People leave program all the time, but
this disease doesn’t go away, and people do make their way back. The 12
Steps do work with this disease. Even people who leave for 2 or 3 years
come back. The 5 guys who started up SCA in St Louis are all still in
recovery.
We are so grateful for the leadership of SCA in New York. Whether you guys
realize it or not you have touched so many lives for the better. Our
meetings in St Louis shot 15 years ahead when we got our SCA infusion. We
had been a recovery community but we had never known that we could
celebrate being gay brothers in sexual recovery and that we could embrace
our God given sexuality and be grateful for it. This was the gift of SCA.
It allowed us to see our sexuality in a positive light and not the
negative, abstaining way in which we had previously done. We love SCA
today.
| Washington DC (1994) |
Bill E
SCA began in Washington, DC, in January 1994. I had moved to DC from
Los Angeles in September, and I had attended both SCA and SAA meetings in
Los Angeles. When I arrived in DC, I started attending SLAA meetings and
found that I was uncomfortable in several of them. The meetings focused
primarily on relationship addiction, and I sensed a nervous energy in the
room whenever anyone shared about sex addiction issues. In informal
conversations with others, I realized that others felt the same way. Among
the people I met were Robert K and Joe V, who had both been SCA members in
New York before moving to DC. In fact, Robert had been one of the
individuals who had participated in the focus groups that led to the SCA
publication, Secret Shame.
The three of us decided that we would be happier in our recoveries if SCA
had a presence in DC. Robert agreed to start a meeting, and I found that
the DuPont Circle Club, a twelve-step meeting facility located next to
Lambda Rising bookstore, had a space available on Thursday night, when
Robert wanted to have the meeting. We met in the "Sun Room," which was a
small solarium off the main meeting room. In fact, participants in our
meeting had to pass through the main meeting room to get there. The room
was hot in the summer and cold in the winter, but it was cozy and we could
make do with the fans and the space heaters provided by the club.
Robert decided to propose that the format of the meeting should be "Topics
in Recovery," after a meeting he attended in New York. I must admit to
have cheated a bit in getting the meeting started, as I publicized it at
SLAA meetings, saying that we were starting a meeting that focused on sex
addiction. We also publicized the meeting in the Washington Blade,
the local newspaper aimed at lesbians and gay men. We were also a bit
nervous, as the meeting time conflicted directly with a well-attended SLAA
meeting that was held at a nearby church.
Attendance at the meeting was helped by the nearly immediate participation
from residents at a local sexual addiction treatment program for Catholic
priests. To this day, the priests provide a steady attendance base for our
meetings.
Joe began the second meeting, on Monday nights, also at the DuPont Circle
Club. Originally, the meeting was a step study group, but we had so many
newcomers that soon Joe proposed that the meeting focus on Steps one
through three. The meeting originally read from Hope and Recovery,
followed by sharing. As time passed and the program matured, the meeting
alternated reading with a speaker and then going back to studying all
Twelve Steps. Both meetings eventually took over the main meeting space at
the club.
I started the third meeting, on Sunday evenings at the Triangle Club,
another 12-step meeting facility near DuPont Circle. I proposed that the
meeting focus on sharing, round- robin style, after my favorite SAA
meeting in Los Angeles. This format has continued, though attendance has
not been as strong as at the Monday and Thursday meetings. Part of the
swings in attendance can be attributed to the fact that the priests from
the treatment center do not attend meetings on Sundays.
Rod F, the current ISO electronic communications coordinator, began our
fourth meeting, on Wednesday nights in Northern Virginia. Originally, the
meeting was housed in a conference room at an AIDS treatment facility, but
it eventually moved to a more convenient (and Metro-accessible) location
at a church. Some of those who attended this meeting had also attended the
DuPont Circle meetings, and some came to this meeting because it was more
convenient for them. Currently, many of the Wednesday night meeting
members attend that meeting faithfully and other meetings rarely.
A few other experienced members who had attended SCA in other cities
joined the groups or participated during sojourns in DC. These individuals
were quite helpful in bringing more recovery to the meetings and in
showing newer members that the program could work for them. We encouraged
members to attend the New York conferences and retreats, and we eventually
started an Intergroup.
A turning point came when the DC Intergroup agreed to host the ISO meeting
in 1999. For many of our members it was the first time that there was any
real sense of connection to SCA meetings outside of DC. Three ISO members
from three different cities shared their stories at an open meeting and
social, and several DC members sat in on ISO sessions. The result was a
greater level of interest in the fellowship, and a greater commitment on
the part of the core members of the DC SCA group. The intergroup started
sponsoring well- attended workshops combined with socials, and there is
talk of attempting a joint conference with the other S-fellowships in the
area (SLAA and SA have a large number of meetings in all parts of the DC
metropolitan area; SAA has a small number of meetings, in the Virginia
suburbs). Our goal still is to have a meeting available each day of the
week, but attempts to start a Saturday morning and a Tuesday evening
meeting have proven to be unsuccessful. Many of our members also attend
either SLAA or SA meetings, and one SLAA meeting, on Friday evenings, is
primarily attended by SCA members. After six years, we have several
members with multiple years of SCA sobriety, and we look forward to much
more trudging on the Road to Happy Destiny.
| Phoenix (1994) |
Steve B
After being in the program for almost two years in LA, my partner and I
made a decision to move to Phoenix in March of 1994 after experiencing
first-hand the Northridge earthquake. Even though my partner and I were
looking forward to the out-of-California move, the fact that there were no
SCA meetings in Phoenix made the move for me an even more challenging one.
After two years in the program I knew that I would need the same support
from recovering sex addicts in Phoenix that I had received in LA At the
time, my sponsor, Bill D, gave me some encouraging words. He stated that
he felt that my move to Phoenix had a special purpose: to start an SCA
meeting in Phoenix and ultimately give back to the program.
Shortly after arriving in Phoenix, I began to work on creating an SCA
meeting. Of course, there were many of my old thoughts of low self-esteem
playing in my mind, such as: "I’m too new to the program. I don’t work the
steps right. I’m not good enough. I don’t know how to start a meeting. I
don‘t know how to find others who may be interested in a meeting."
Fortunately, I moved passed those negative thoughts and asked for God‘s
help. I thought, "His will not mine be done." So, if a meeting was to be
in Phoenix, then it would be. My first task was to find other recovering
sex addicts in Phoenix. I took the Phoenix phone book and had a very
difficult time locating any information on any local "S" programs. I
thought I had hit it big when I found "The Recovery Room" listed. When I
spoke to the man who answered at "The Recovery Room" and explained what I
was looking for, he laughed and said that I had called a bar. I could see
that locating other recovering sex addicts was not going to be an easy
task!
A few days later I was finally successful in locating a local city agency
which had information on SAA meetings. I called the SAA meeting
information line and found at the end of a very long meeting list that
there was a Friday night gay meeting. I began to attend that meeting and
was thrilled to find other recovering sex addicts. Unfortunately the
format of this meeting was quite different than what I was used to in the
LA SCA meetings. I knew that my "calling" was still to create an SCA
meeting some day. Out of the SAA meeting on Friday night, I met Tony P,
who had attended New York SCA meetings and Arlan E, who had attended
Chicago SCA meetings. Suddenly there were others who longed for an SCA
meeting as well.
In a little over two months after arriving in Phoenix, I, with the help of
Arlan’s and Tony’s feedback, started the Wednesday night meeting. Through
the help of SAA, I ended up choosing the Samaritan Behavioral Health
Center in Scottsdale for the meeting location. I had attended one SAA
meeting on a Monday night at the Center when I had first moved to Phoenix.
I was impressed with the facility and its somewhat central location for
the entire Phoenix metropolitan area. The first Phoenix SCA meeting was
held on Wednesday, May 18, 1994. Since that first meeting, the Samaritan
Behavioral Health Center has been the location of the two Phoenix
meetings.
The Phoenix meeting took some format characteristics from the West coast,
the East coast and the Midwest! I felt that it would be important that
everyone who had been in SCA in various parts of the country would feel at
home with this meeting. For example, from my experience, the West coast
meetings tend to applaud after every short share. This is not common, from
what was told to me, on the East coast. Likewise, the Friday night SAA
meeting in Phoenix did not have much applause throughout the meeting.
Therefore in Phoenix SCA there is applause after every reading and long
share, but not after every short share. We simply say "Thank you, X". On
the other hand, the West coast crosses their arms when holding hands
during the serenity prayer. When I was new to the program, I was told that
this crossing of arms represented us loving and helping ourselves as well
as others. This has always had special meaning to me, thus, we cross arms
in Phoenix when reciting the serenity prayer. When we decided on the
length of time a member would serve as an officer in a Phoenix SCA
meeting, there was a compromise. I was familiar with three- month terms,
Tony and Arlan were familiar with longer terms of service. We decided on
four-month terms. Officers have been elected on the last meeting day in
the months of January, May and September for quite a few years now.
At first, the attendance at the Wednesday night meeting was low. There
were a few times when I was the only one attending and most of the time
assuming the position of all the offices of the meeting. But, if there are
any others who are starting a meeting in a new area, my advice is to hang
in there. Although I joked that the first regular attendees in 1994 were
Peter, Paul and (no, not Mary) but me, I cannot begin to tell how many
lives which have been touched by the meetings here in Phoenix over the
years.
The SAA Friday night gay meeting disbanded by December 1994. That event,
coupled with an interview article in the local gay newspaper in 1995 about
my life as a recovering sex addict (done anonymously of course!), spurred
more interest and attendance in the meeting. Eventually a weekend meeting
was started in 1996. This meeting had low attendance for some time. Those
few that attended tried to help the attendance on the weekend by trying
different days and times. It began on Saturday mornings and then moved to
Sunday nights in hopes that the Sunday schedule would work for more
people. Due to even less people attending on Sunday nights, the meeting
eventually moved back to Saturday mornings in late 1996. In 1997, a
step-study group was formed and met before the Saturday morning meeting.
The members committed to attend the step-study group assured that the
weekend meeting would be here to stay.
SCA literature, including The SCAnner, has always been an instrumental
part of the program in Phoenix. It reconfirms to us Phoenix members that
we are not alone in recovery. The Scanner’s articles on the Steps and
various members’ long shares have been especially uplifting to the group.
It reminds me of one of my first copies of The Scanner. My first sponsor
had his story written in The Scanner which gave me words of encouragement
during my early days in the program.
After six years of existence in Phoenix this May, the SCA meetings in
Phoenix are small but still alive and kicking. (I estimate that we average
ten members at a Wednesday meeting and five members at a Saturday meeting.
According to our current phone list, if everyone attended at the same time
we could have 20 or more at one meeting.) Our fellowship has grown to
include gays, bisexuals and straights. We have been fortunate enough in
Phoenix to be able to budget in our Intergroup treasury participation in
the annual ISO Intergroup meeting. In 1999, we sent Trip B to DC to attend
and in 2000 we sent two members, Trip B and Steve W to attend in Chicago.
It is hoped that we will host the 2002 SCA ISO Conference.
There are many members in Phoenix whose only insight into SCA is what they
know SCA to be in Phoenix. I have personally seen these members grow in
recovery over the years and it is truly a blessing. For those who no
longer attend, I pray that they have found peace and recovery through some
other means. In addition, Phoenix tends to be a transient town. ( It’s a
dry heat and your blood thins, but if you can’t stand the heat, you get
out of the kitchen!) Over the years some members have moved to other parts
of the country. Many have taken with them the thought that they, too, can
have the program move with them. They know that all one needs is two sex
addicts to start a meeting. God does work in mysterious ways.
| LA Spanish (1995) |
Miguel
Spanish meetings in LA have been going for about 5 years, since 1995 in
LA. Originally the meetings started off as a bi-lingual gay meeting for
middle class bi-lingual Spanish men who had been in the country for a
while. There were about 5 people. They met for about two years in the gay
district of LA. The meetings would start up and then die.
Then the meeting moved to the Hispanic working class neighborhood. As a
result 99% of the members were court referrals and only spoke Spanish. It
became the immigrant meeting. It’s been like that for the last 5 years.
The SCA message has not got out to the general Hispanic Community. The
Courts supplies all or most of the members and 80% of them are straight,
some are bi-sexual. Most members also do not have American citizenship.
Members do share and there is recovery in these meetings, but there is a
great turn over and once they have finished serving their sentence they
never come back. These meetings are very different from other Spanish
meetings. Spanish meetings in other fellowship are generally quite rowdy.
Speakers are heckled and there is lots of cross talk over and above
speakers. In these meetings, we have adopted the SCA manner of sitting
around a table and listening quietly while someone speaks.
| NY On-line (1996) |
John F
The online SCA meetings began with the inauguration of the SCA Web
site in 1996. This grew out of my personal interest and expertise in using
the Internet and the desire of SCA's International Service Organization to
spread the SCA message.
The first online meeting began in July 1996, and was a topic meeting,
where the topic was changed once or twice a month. It was set up in the
style of a bulletin board, where people could share what they liked over
the course of the meeting. Because I had experience with face-to-face
meetings, I was able to encourage the group to establish a Group
Conscience that specifically discouraged crosstalk and the like. The
online Topic Meeting has continued to attract a small but loyal following
ever since, and it is archived on the Web site. Among the topics have been
various Slogans, the Steps, and whatever the trusted servant or members
have suggested from time to time.
About the same time we began a Feedback Meeting on the Web site. Just as
in the "face to face" world, it is very difficult to have a Feedback
Meeting that does not venture into crosstalk. However, the Feedback
Meeting is far and away the most popular part of the Web site, getting
hundreds (yes, hundreds) of postings a month. I estimate that this is the
largest single meeting in the SCA fellowship, attracting as many as 300
regulars. It also has a written Group Conscience that has been changed
from time to time to adapt to changing circumstances
Both these meetings are available through the SCA Web site at http://www.sca-recovery.org
About two years ago, one of the online members, Ray from Washington DC,
started "live" meetings on the Internet. Because I had had problems with
Internet chat rooms, I was leery about these at first. However, these
meetings continued to thrive, and I was encouraged to attend. Recently
these meetings have expanded, so that there is a meeting
]seven days a week at 9 p.m. New York time, in addition to four other
meetings, for a total of 11 live meetings.
One live meeting, on the Steps, is held the last Friday of each month, and
is the only one that I know of to explicitly rely on literature. We post
excerpts from 12-Step literature on the Web site in preparation for that
meeting, and people can share based on that or whatever moves them.
One of the things I have seen at many meetings is that they ebb and flow.
Sometimes a lot of people show up; sometimes not many. Some old timers
fade away for awhile, and sometimes they come back, and sometimes they
don't. I am grateful that I continue to go to meetings, although I must
admit that I tend now to go to the live online meetings rather than the
face to face meetings. My experience has been that face to face is MUCH
more effective, and I always encourage people in isolated locations to
start new meetings. We now have SCA meetings in northern Michigan, central
Europe, and many other far-flung places as a direct result of the Web
site, and I am extremely grateful and privileged to have been a part of
that. I am also now an online sponsor, and again I encourage my sponsees
to consider getting a face to face sponsor, which I find much more
effective.
I believe the Internet will be a major factor in the future growth of our
fellowship, as it has already become, and I hope we are able to harness
the advantages of the Internet while always being aware that it can
promote the very isolation that is so much a part of sexual compulsion.
| Belgium (1997) |
Paul C
SCA-Belgium started his first meeting at BAAL, near TREMELO / BRABANT at 6
april 1997. After getting some good advise from doctors, lawyers, priests,
AA-friends and other good friends, I decided to give SCA a chance in
Belgium. I started to look for a meeting- room, but this wasn't easy. Most
people were afraid to give SCA this opportunity. After a contact with a
priest at BAAL and an other local AA-member, we started at the home of the
priest. Via the internet, a new member from Holland got in touch with me
(Paul) just before our first meeting started . So, there were 4 men at our
first meeting, Doulos, Jos, Paul and Stefan.
We had already had contact with SCA USA, so we became familiar with the
meeting- formats, used in USA. Our first meeting was structured like it is
formulated in the SCA Blue Book. We open our meetings with the SCA
preamble. Then we each say our name and read one of the Characteristic.
Then, the chairman, asks that everyone read one of the 20 questions from
the SCA Fourfold, with a pause of 2-3 seconds between each question so
that we have the time to get an answer to the question in our hearts.
After this reading, the chairman, asks the members, when they will talk,
not to tell exact places of our behavior, and to focus our minds on the
feelings that each one of us, will communicate, instead of the difference
of story. After this, the first person starts his talk about the last
week, or his history. Then the other members get the chance to tell their
story.
Those who can read English, read from the SCA books and pamphlets, 20
questions, SCA Recovery, Masturbation, the Scanner, Secret Shame, and also
the AA 12/12 and the books of Dr. Patrick Carnes. We have translated, the
Pamphlet, 20 Questions and currently in draft is the SCA Blue Book. We
hope to get the Recovery Book ready by end of this year.
Mostly, in the beginning people told their stories. Afterwards, the way of
life of the past week, and after, we read a part of one step of the
AA-book, and talk about it. Unfortunately, we haven’t grow like we
thought. Many of the newcomers, come for a few weeks or months and then
don’t come back. But, those who still come, are very recovered, and have
had growth in spiritual sense. Today, in Antwerp there 3 to 6 members. In
Brabant 3 and in West-Vlaanderen 2 to 3. So, in total we have 12 regular
members.
There are meetings now in ANTWERP, each Monday; BAAL, BRABANT each Sunday,
and in WEST-VLAANDEREN on demand by phone. We still have financial
problems. This is, because we have a SCA-phone, 24 hour a day phone, and
that costs. Also a Post Office box. We also have a very beautiful poster;
The poster is something like the poster of AA, with a question, but really
SCA minded with the telephone and PostOffice number. In Belgium we have
setup an official fellowship by Lawn (I don’'t know the name in English.
In our language it is called 'VZW Vereniging zonder Winstgevend doel'.
There are three board-members, one external SCA and one SCA. Their names
are Willy M, Stefan N and Paul C. Each year, we come together, and look
after the financial side, the progress SCA made in Belgium, the
opportunities at the press and tv.
In last 3 years, we have had anonymous interviews on television and in
many newspapers. After these media interactions, new members are always
the result. We have good contacts with hospitals for sexual addicts and
also courts. We have had the opportunity to explain what SCA is and how it
works to many Health Care Professionals. So, I hope you have now some
insight in our Belgium SCA fellowship.
| San Francisco (1997) |
Brian B
The first SCA group started in the early 90's, meeting in people's
apartments; but it only lasted a few months before it folded. I started it
with some folks from SLAA. (I had attended SCA in Los Angeles and I wanted
to import SCA to San Francisco.) Unfortunately, we were not able to make a
go of it at that time.
In 1997 Juan and Nicholas, who had moved up from LA, started up SCA again.
They had gotten sober in SCA in Los Angeles and wanted to recreate their
experience in San Francisco. This time it stuck. They started two meetings
right off the bat, one on Monday and one on Friday. We still have those
meetings going on today, but in different locations. The meetings have
been stable in these last three years. They tend to be small, about 10
people on average. The original format of the meetings was simply "getting
current", but over the years we have incorporated different formats: Step
studies, Tools, Characteristics, etc. Even though we only have two
meetings, we have a variety of formats to cover many needs.
Maybe half of the people who attend SCA also go to other S programs in San
Francisco, such as SLAA or SAA. People often ask me why the San Francisco
SCA hasn't expanded like LA or NY. I think it has to do with the fact that
SLAA got started in San Francisco first, as an accident of history.
Someone had come back from Boston and started SLAA before any of the other
programs arrived in San Francisco. When I started to get involved in
sexual recovery in the late eighties, SLAA was the only program in town.
There wasn't a need to start a new S program at that time. There may be
more to it: nationally, SCA created a safe place for gay men, a place
where they could talk about their experiences; but in San Francisco, a
special, safe place wasn't really necessary, because there were always gay
members of SLAA, and SLAA was gay oriented in San Francisco anyway. SCA
didn't get a foothold: whenever a new meeting started, it was always
another SLAA meeting. But now we have all four programs. SAA started three
years ago, and that's taken off, and there is even an SA meeting now.
We are a very friendly, socially oriented group in San Francisco with a
ritual going out for coffee after every meeting. That's one of the things
people particularly like about SCA. People are also into the Sexual
Recovery Plan, and the positive aspects of recovery. One reason people go
to SCA instead of or in addition to other S programs is that there is an
emphasis on incorporating sexuality positively into one's life, not just
abstaining from negative behaviors. It appears to be working: even though
we are a young group, we have a few people with long-term sobriety and
that's very gratifying.
I don't remember the first SCAnner. We worked for a long time with the
Blue Book. The first issue we got was the Winter 2000 edition that focused
on the Tools. It was also the first time one of our members contributed a
piece and we were really thrilled to get represented nationally!
| Budapest (1999) |
George U
SCA ran in Budapest for one full year (from 1999 to 2000) only but in
summer we almost stopped and now I think that the group practically
stopped existing at least in the last weeks, but I go to other 12step
meetings and to online meetings so it’s okay for me. But maybe it’s not a
positive enough story although we might restart any time.
Well, but add please that if anybody coming from outside Budapest calls my
home number or writes me via e-mail, we can set up a meeting even if the
other members are now in probably suspension. (But last week there was a
member, so it is not completely off yet.)
| E-Group NY (1999) |
Tra D
The On-line e-group SCA Fellowship meeting began last summer, August 25,
1999, when fellow member Tom went to Florida. 15 people from the
fellowship were emailing him to give him support. When he came back we
decided to continue to email each other. We had a group conscious and
decided to call ourselves a fellowship and align ourselves with SCA.
There are about 65 members right now. This number is made up of mostly of
people who know each other and live in the local New York area, which
makes it more intimate. The way it works, is this. A person will post what
is going on for him/her and then others will respond to the postings. We
are working on organizing a live chat set up at the moment.
We don’t have any real topics as such people say what they want. If there
is graphic language we put a warning in the subject line. Since we are not
sitting in a room full of people staring at us, we can share much more
deeply. We say things we wouldn’t say in a meeting. When we are in a
meeting room, nervousness can sometimes make us go off track and we end up
not saying what we had intended. But when we write it’s much easier to be
focused and get out what we want to say. It’s also great to be able to get
feedback. The feedback constitutes people who relate to what someone has
posted and then they share their experience about similar struggles. We
got a lot of views on HP in one instance. It was great to see lots of
different views on the Second Step.
There is no format as such, but we are focused on program stuff. Sometimes
people will share about the struggle with staying sober on the computer.
People will post something like: "I just spent three hours on a porn site
and I finally made it here!" When they get to the e-group reading all the
postings helps them to snap out of the addictive trance. Some people even
put the SCA site as the first thing that comes up when they log on. It
helps them not to go to the other sites. This meeting is really good for
people who travel. They can really take the program with them, and it’s
more active then literature. Literature can be isolating. It’s good even
if you are not a traveler and can’t get to that many meetings. I read
postings every day. Sometime it’s only one or two, sometimes 5 or 6. The
idea is that no one is expected to read everything or respond to
everything. You just deal with as much as you want to. I’ve shared some
things that I thought I would be shunned for saying but I got lots of
feedback about being honest.
There is a great potential for these meetings. At the moment, this meeting
is just a local NY thing, although we do have some people from Canada on
the list as well. These e-groups won’t replace live meetings. The e-group
meetings are great but you get much more form going to a live meeting. The
e-groups are a new tool that enhances our experience of meetings and
program. It doesn’t replace any of it. If anyone wants to join this
e-group, please write to nyctra@prodigy.com. You will be asked a few
questions to ensure that you are a bona fide SCA member, but otherwise it
is open to anyone who wants to participate.
The First SCA Conference in Washington DC Saturday October 21, 2000
| 2000 Washington DC First Conference |
Bill E
The Washington, DC, Intergroup held its first recovery conference October
21, 2000. The one-day event was held at the Friends Meeting House, near
Dupont Circle, and attracted between 45 and 50 participants.
The day began with coffee and donuts, followed by an opening "doctor's
opinion" session, featuring Dr. David Bissette, a local therapist who
specializes in sexual compulsion. Dr. Bissette went through the research
on sexual addiction and compulsion for more than an hour, while the
audience listened raptly. Dr. Bissette’s presentation was followed by a
speaker meeting.
Rod F., from SCA, Ed, from SAA, Gordon, from SLAA, and Dan, from SA, each
told their stories. After a break for lunch, we held two sets of two
workshops. In the first time block, SAA presented a workshop on the three
circles and how to use them to construct a recovery plan. SCA presented a
workshop on writing a dating plan. In the second time block, SLAA
presented a workshop on feelings, while SCA presented a workshop on
spirituality, prayer, meditation, and working the 2nd and 11th steps.
The day ended with a closing circle, where those in attendance expressed
their gratitude for various elements of the day. We were very pleased with
the results of the conference, and we hope to make it an annual event.
| Interview with Bill L and Frank H |
On the Beginnings of SCA
After the February 2000 ISO Conference I managed to get both Frank H and
Bill L, the co- founders of SCA, in one room long enough to do a short
interview with then about their recollections of the beginnings of SCA in
New York. I largely let them talk because everything they had to say was
so interesting. Ed
Frank H: Several of us had been talking about sexual compulsiveness for
years in AA. The first manifestation, if not SCA itself, of a sexual
recovery program was what Bill did so maybe Bill should talk about the SA
portion of the evolution of SCA in NY.
Bill L: I did some research. I looked into a number of the S programs, and
they all started within a few years of each other. I really think it was
consciousness and God’s divine that really wanted this to be addressed.
Frank and I used to talk about sexual compulsion when I was new in program
21 years ago. We used to talk about it, but we didn’t formalize it then.
It seems so simple now, "Why don’t we start a program?"
My experience came out of the DA program, though I tried so many things. I
was told I was inappropriate at AA meetings for speaking about sexual
compulsion. I did three consciousness-raising groups. I did anything I
could to get help with this. Finally I brought it up at a DA meeting and
fortunately John the founder of DA came up to me and said "You sound at
exactly the same point I was when I started DA. Why don’t you start
something?" My reaction was like to so many things: "I can’t". But I
received so much support at that DA meeting that I did.
I started a meeting on a Sunday night, June 21, 1982, at 7:00pm in my
apartment. There were a number of people who came from DA and OA. I don’t
know how they heard about it. We met in my apartment for six months.
Someone had heard about what I was doing and he send me a letter about
three other S programs, SA in Simi Valley, SLAA in Boston and another
program in Texas. I wrote them all a letter. Someone from Boston and Roy K
from SA came to meet with some of us in a hotel. We liked SA’s literature,
but it had some homophobic words in it. I brought this up and Roy said
that the literature would be changed. We continued meeting and continued
using that literature. We received new literature and it was even more
homophobic. I decided that I was not 12 years old again and that I did not
want to feel guilt about sex, which is what the literature made me feel.
We had established that we were an SA meeting, and so I said that we could
no longer meet in my apartment. This comes up to how Frank and I got
together.
Frank had a friend, Tom L, I get teary eyed when I think about it. Tom
called me up. He said that he had heard that there was a meeting in my
apartment. I told that there wasn’t anymore, but I was so desperate that I
said I would go to an SA meeting with him. I met him up town at St Jean’s
on 76th Street. Fortunately I got the day wrong and we missed the meeting.
I remember we had a wonderful talk anyway in Central Park. It is so hard
to find another sex addict but when you do it’s like heaven. Afterwards we
came back to my apartment and I gave him the SA literature. He said he was
going to call up Frank. A little later, I was walking up 7th Avenue and
Tom called out my name. He told me that he had gotten together with Frank,
Richard had offered his apartment and they had established one meeting. He
asked if I would come to the next meeting and I said "Absolutely". It was
Tom that brought Frank and I together.
Frank: I had been talking to people in AA about sexual addiction for a
year prior to the actual beginnings of SCA. I had had what could be called
a spiritual awakening in an orgy room in Amsterdam. When I came back to
New York, I used a more tolerant AA group and therapy to keep myself on
what we now call a sexual recovery plan.
I had been talking to Tom. Tom and I both shared a predilection for movie
theatres and sexual activities in them. I remember Tom saying to me that
maybe it was a good idea to pray while in those places. That seemed like a
perverse idea but it turned out to be quite a useful tool for me. When Tom
told me that he had found a place and that there would be a meeting on
June 21, I was delighted and went. Tom was supposed to be the first
speaker, but he didn’t appear and I ended up speaking at the meeting. The
meetings were small at first and were composed of AA, OA and Al-Anon
people. Bits and pieces of all those programs went into the formation of
the concepts that SCA came to represent.
We called ourselves SA, not in any sense aligning ourselves with SA in
California, but simply because we were sex addicts. It seemed like a
convenient name. We received a letter from Roy not too long after we had
begun to say that we couldn’t use the name "sex addicts" because it
belonged to him. So we had a meeting to decide what to call ourselves and
we decided to call ourselves Sexual Compulsives Anonymous. I remember that
there were 18-20 people at that meeting.
Our meetings places varied quite a bit then. We started meeting at
Richard’s apartment, we met at the gay synagogue, and finally I was able
to get the Methodist Church on West 4th Street to agree to have us on a
regular basis. That was a hard thing to do at that time, to go there and
say we are sex addicts and we want a space. But they were wonderful. We’ve
had the same space ever since, although we have moved around in the church
complex.
In the beginning we only had one meeting a week and we used the AA format.
We had a speaker and then we had people sharing from the floor. That makes
it sound like there were a lot of people, but it might have been only
three or four people all together. The amazing thing was that we kept at
it when we didn’t know whether it would work in any sense whatsoever,
since no one had any time on any plan at this time. I remember Robert N
coming into the meeting and yelling and screaming "It won’t work, fuck you
all!"
Bill: And then he looked at me and asked me "Has it worked for you?" and I
said "Well, I don’t know if it’s working but I keep coming back".
Frank: We believed it would work.
Bill: So many of us had tried so many things before this program. I think
we were desperate and we wanted this to work. We bonded together, and the
beautiful thing was that there was no ego involved, we were really there
for one another. I remember, one day there was a man at my window and I
thought that I had to invite him in. I called up Frank, and he said, "Can
you take an afternoon off?" As flippant as I am I said, "I can take a week
off, or a month or a year off, but I don’t know how to take an afternoon
off!" And Frank said, "This is what you are going to do. You are going to
leave your apartment. You are not going to turn around. You are going to
go to the Waverly Theatre and you are going to see a film, it doesn’t
matter what. And when you get out it will be time to go to the meeting". I
did exactly as he said and that’s the way we really help one another. I
learned how to build on those experiences. I learned that I wouldn’t die
if I didn’t have sex.
Frank: I’d like to say something about how the whole thing expanded. I
went through a few years when I went to no meetings at all. And when I
came back it was amazing to discover that 50% of the people at meetings
were old timers. The first meeting that had a permanent location was the
one at West 4th Street. One member had a few resentments. One was that
smoking was permitted and that women had started to come and some third
thing that he didn’t like, that I can’t now remember. So he went to the
Gay and Lesbian Center and got a space and started a new meeting. That was
the second meeting. As they day in AA, to start a meeting, all you need is
a resentment and a coffee pot, and in this case he didn’t even need a
coffee pot. In the beginning the meetings were homogenous. They all had a
speaker with either round robin or raised hands to share. In recent years
there has been a lot more specialization, we now have a meeting on
Intimacy, another that focuses on Phone, the Internet and Pornography, and
we have a Fourth Step Workshop.
The meetings on the West Coast came out of a therapy group and the arrival
of some people from SCA New York. Our first get together (later to become
ISO), in February 1990, was for the purpose of ironing out differences in
the Pre-amble. Six or seven of us spent two days on that paragraph
attempting to come to a compromise so that we could have a Pre-amble
common to both the East and West Coast, and that it the Pre-amble that we
have today.
There are 5 or 6 sexual recovery programs now. I don’t know the extent to
which they need to be as separate as they are. We had our first
Inter-Fellowship Forum in 1991. I am interested to see how the IFF
continues to work together, to see how close the various programs can
come. Without this closeness, we are not serving best the community out
there. We are presenting a very divided front. Therapists, parole officers
and individual sex addicts are presented with 5 programs. How are they
suppose to select. One thing the IFF did was to get each program to
provide a self identifying statement. It’s an on going political process
that I find fascinating.
(SCA is defined as the gay fellowship, SLAA as the women’s fellowship, SAA
as the perpetrator’s fellowship, SA as the straight fellowship )