These are the characteristics most of
us seem to have in common:
- As adolescents, we used fantasy and compulsive
masturbation to avoid
feelings, and continued this tendency into our
adult lives with compulsive sex.
- Compulsive sex became a drug, which
we used to
escape from feelings such as anxiety, loneliness, anger and self-hatred,
as well as joy.
- We tended to become immobilized by romantic
obsessions. We became addicted to the search for sex and love; as a
result, we neglected our lives.
- We sought
oblivion in fantasy and masturbation,
and lost ourselves in compulsive sex. Sex became a reward, punishment,
distraction and time-killer.
- Because of our low self-esteem, we used sex to
- We tried to bring intensity and excitement into
our lives through sex, but felt ourselves growing steadily
- Sex was compartmentalized
instead of integrated
into our lives as a healthy element.
- We became addicted to people,
and were unable to
distinguish among sex, love and affection.
- We searched for some "magical"
quality in others
to make us feel complete. Other people were idealized and endowed with a
powerful symbolism, which often disappeared after we had sex with them.
- We were drawn to people who were not
us, or who would reject or abuse us.
- We feared
relationships, but continually searched
for them. In a relationship, we feared abandonment and rejection, but
out of one, we felt empty and incomplete.
- While constantly seeking intimacy with another
person, we found that the desperate quality of our need made true
intimacy with anyone impossible, and we often
dependency relationships that eventually became unbearable.
- Even when we got the love of another person, it
enough, and we were unable to stop lusting after others.
- Trying to conceal our dependency demands, we
more isolated from ourselves, from God, and from the very people we
longed to be close to.